Ron meets Crookshanks
by iliveintheclouds
Summary: Ron and Hermione move into their first house. Ron encounters a furry problem. Summary sucks. First fic. Reviews are welcome. R/Hr
1. Chapter 1

**None of the characters belong to me, sadly, though I would have liked to have Crookshanks. Oh well! They all belong to JK Rowling. This is my first fic and I hope you guys like it. Please review and tell me what you think :)**

"And this is the library that leads on out to the deck..." I heard Hermione drone on and on to Harry, Ginny, Luna, Neville and the rest of our family. She was showing our new house to them. I for one just wanted to be alone with my new wife. A couple of centuries later, we were standing by our door, thanking people for coming to see us.

"Oh, God that was tiring. Let's never move again." I groaned. Hermione looked at me exasperatedly. " Shouldn't you be grateful? You have a new house for Merlin's sakes! And I for one think that-" She was interrupted by a loud yowling coming from a moving box. "H-Hermione, love? What is that?" I yelped, immediately jumping in front of Hermione whipping out my wand from my jeans pocket. Hermione started giggling. "It's only Crookshanks you big scaredy-cat."

_Oh Merlin help me. No, no, no._

"Um, Hermione, you don't expect me to live with _him._ Right?" I asked nervously. " Well of course I do Ron!" Hermione answered cheerfully with a smug smile on her face. " HERMIONE! We hate each other! I won't survive with that _thing_ in the house! He'll kill me! I know it! Then he'll bite me and, and, and," I groaned . Hermione immediately countered, "Well, Ronald, that 'thing' has a name. It's Crookshanks. And he would never hurt anyone one purpose. I know my cat Ron! He's been with me since Third Year!" I simply shrugged in defeat and walked out of the room muttering,"He is evil..." That _thing_ had an look of pure evil on it's face and I thought

_I am screwed._

"He would never bite you anyway, much less kill you! Crookshanks is a good boy! Aren't you a good boy! Yes you are! Yes you are Mummy's good boy!" She started talking to the monster of hers while rubbing it's belly. I groaned internally.

_Well, at least I can make him sleep in the kitchen._


	2. Chapter 2

**None of the characters belong to me, they belong to the wonderful J.K Rowling :) Reviews please. **

_Stupid bloody cat. _

"Hermione! The bed is for humans! Not for animals! That's unfair!" I whined to her. " Stop being such a baby Ronald and get to bed." She snapped. I sulked and got into bed not beside her but beside that stupid cat.

_Can you hear my thoughts furball? 'Cause I hate you. Like really, really hate you. I am going to get you out of the house. One way or another. I will. Stupid cat._

**The next morning.**

"Morning sunshi-AGH! HERMIONE! GET THIS THING OFF ME!" I screamed. Hermione was in a laughing fit. "IT'S NOT FUNNY! GET IT OF-" I choked on a mouthful of fur. Hermione had fallen off the bed laughing. I threw the yowling cat off my bed. It gave me a dirty face and strutted off.

"Hermione! That THING just tried to suffocate me and you're laughing? That's just…" I was at a loss for words and glared at her. She attempted looking sorry but just broke out in a new fit of giggles gasping "S-Sorry just ca-can't help it." I gave her another glare for good measure and stalked toward the kitchen. I was hungry after the best morning that I've had in the week.

I rummaged the cold whatchamacallit that stores all our food. Hermione calls it a 'refridgerator'. Personally, I think whatchamacallit sounds better. I took out some bacon and eggs and started frying. I was so proud of myself. A week ago and I would have burnt the whole kitchen down.

"PROGRESS!" I shouted as I got all the ingredients on the plate without anything dropping or using magic. Just when I was about to eat, a giant, orange monster jumps on the table steals all my food and runs away. That got me really mad. "CROOKSHANKS!" I yelled and ran after the twerp. I grabbed hold of his tail and yanked. That's when he turned round, gripped my arm and bit down. Hard. "OWWW!" I slackened my grip on the little shit and he ran like hell up the stairs. Blood was now trailing down my arm.

"HERMIONE! YOUR CAT JUST BIT ME!" Hermione came flying down the stairs with a towel on her head, looking very flustered. "Oh for goodness sakes Ronald! What did you do this time?" She asked. I stared at her, shell-shocked. "Your cat just bit me and you asked me what I did? Now that's just not fair." I sulked some more. "Stop sulking Ronald"


	3. Chapter 3

**None of the characters belong to me, they belong to the wonderful J.K Rowling. Review please :) **

_Stupid bloody cat._

"I'm going out to get some groceries. I'll be back soon. You boys take care of yourselves okay? And Ronald? Don't pull poor Crookshanks' tail anymore. He doesn't like it." She said before hugging her precious darling and giving me a peck on the lips. "Bye!" She said and she was out the door.

_I don't get why she won't just apparate or Floo there. She never makes any sense. Oh well. Like owner like cat._

"So. It's just you and me. Home. Alone. A-L-O-N-E. Fantastic. I hate you. Just saying." I said to a very bored looking Crookshanks. I tried entertaining him. Doing things like staring at him, trying to make him stare at the sofa, trying to make him stare at me. Well, that worked he was already doing that. "Good boy? Don't stare at me like that it's not like I know what to do with you!"(glare)"Well sorry I don't like you! Why am I even talking to you?" I yelled slouching into the comfy sofa that Hermione bought. I tried making shapes out of the ceiling. Then I tried the wall. Then I tried the floor. As a last resort I tried Crookshanks fur. "I'm still bored what about you?"(stare)"Err, okay. I wonder what time Hermione'll get home. I hope she makes something for dinner. I hope it's chicken. I love chicken. Chicken, chicken,chicken.I know! Lets play the 'I'm really bored and going to talk to myself' game! Ha! I'm winning!" I stuck out my tongue at him. " You can't possibly win cause you can't talk. Hah."

_What have I become? I'm talking to myself AND I'm talking to an inanimate sleeping bunch of fur. I _am _bored. Oh well. I'll try talking to myself mentally then. Hi Ron! Oh, hello there Ron! I didn't see you there! Oh what are you doing here? Oh, me? I'm just lying down on this comfy couch of mine waiting for Hermione to come home! Wow, what a coincidence! Me too! You don't say? I have an idea. Why not we wait together? That sounds like a good idea. _

"Oh Merlin, this sucks."I said aloud. I tried memorising the patterns on the ceiling. Suddenly Crookshanks started yowling and running all over, scratching the sofa, rolling on the floor and I immediately thought "Merlin's pants he's gone mad! Psh, like he wasn't already." Then he did the unthinkable. He started rubbing against my leg and purring. PURRING.

_Holy hell._


	4. Chapter 4

**None of the characters belong to me, they belong to J.K Rowling. Please review :) Constructive criticism welcome :)**

I ran toward the fellytone and pushed the little buttons on the slip of paper that Hermione had given me to 'call' her. "Hermione? Hermione? CAN YOU HEAR ME!" I yelled into the small plastic thing. "Yes I can, Ronald! How many times have I told you not to shout into a telephone because I can hear you perfectly fine! Now, what is it?" She answered calmly. "It's Crookshanks! He's gone mad! He's being… Nice to me" I said the last three words in a hushed whisper. "OH! I completely forgot to feed him. Ron, will you be a dear to help me feed him?" My jaw dropped down to the floor and beyond. "But, but, but… He's going to bite my hand off!" I whined. "That's ridiculous Ron! Crookshanks will never do anything of the sort unless you provoke him. So don't provoke him. I have to pay for my things now. I'll be back soon. I love you! Goodbye!" She replied. "Goodbye…" I replied dejectedly.

_Alright. I can do this. I've fought spiders before. I've ridden a dragon before. I've, I've killed a horcrux before? I can do this. Not a problem. I mean unless he swallows my whole hand and it never grows back. That doesn't sound too bad. Uh-huh. Neither does him swallowing the rest of my entire body while he's at it. Yeah. Then, he's going to eat Hermione. Yeah, that doesn't sound too bad. Then he's going to grow wings and fly over the house and someones going to shoot him in the belly and me and Hermione fall out to our deaths. Then he's going to heal as fast as that Wolverine guy on the muggle thingy. Then he's going to eat everyone else. Doesn't sound too bad. Not at all. I can do this. I can do this._

I continued with my mental pep-talk while Crookshanks was looking up at the table where I was standing.

_Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. Being eaten, nope easy as 123. Hermione bering eaten? Piece of cake. Falling to our deaths? Simple as breathing. Yeah. _

The minute I heard the front door open I jumped off the table, ran to the door like crazy and placed Hermione in front of me like a shield, yelling "SAVE ME!". I looked up at Hermione rolling her eyes. "He's crazy…" I whispered, looking terrified. "Oh, Ronald." She sighed exasperatedly. "You're impossible."


End file.
